Breath of Fresh Air - Acts 20:24

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. 

Acts 20:24 (ESV)

I wear a bracelet around my wrist given to me by the leadership of IGNITE that reads, "Press On - Acts 20:24." It's supposed to be a reminder of what our purpose is when we are out in the field and things get tough. I'm grateful to wear this reminder around my wrist.

But these bracelets mean more to me than even that.

My bracelet symbolizes to me that the IGNITE leadership knows it's not "if" the field gets tough, but "when." Each location has it's own set of pros and cons and each location has it's own set of challenges. Yes, we may have beautiful sandy beaches, pools, and surfing, but it's not all fun and games here in Costa Rica.

One particular challenge we have is a two month break from Kids Club during January and February. The kids are out of school for their "summer" break so we do not provide an after school program because many of them are out of town visiting family. This leaves us interns with two options. One, sit around and wait for February to come, or, make the best of the time that God has given us here.

I'm repentant at the fact that I have not made the best of my time over the past four weeks. I have become inwardly focused, full of anxiety, and depressed. I have grown comfortable laying in my bed and staring at the ceiling and wondering why God brought me here. I have all but given up on learning Spanish. I stare at a countdown on my phone hoping that the days will somehow go faster.

But folks, God gave me GRACE. Very undeserved GRACE. Not that I ever deserve it. 

In the mist of my horrible selfish attitude, God woke me up in the kindest way possible. This Tuesday, a new overseer came to lead the Costa Rica interns, Cassandra Tartter. She just finished serving as an intern herself right before Whitney and I got here. Yesterday, she shared with us many of the struggles she faced, how she overcame them, what she learned, and how God impacted the program through her during her six months here.

Her story reminded me that the bracelet I wear has a very important message behind it.

This trip is not about me.
I'm here to share the Gospel and Christ's love.
I'm supposed to finish the course.

I wish I wouldn't have strayed from my purpose here over those four weeks but I'm grateful for the lessons I was able to learn and relearn. First, being inwardly focused always detracts from what God is doing and it robs me of my joy in him. As easy as it is to be negative, pessimistic, and feel bad for myself, it's only provides a quick high. Second, it's not wrong to seek godly advice from those who have gone through similar situations. God can use these people in your life and there are plenty of past Potter's Field interns who know what it is like to be in Costa Rica. Finally, even though I felt like there were four weeks of pointlessness, it was my job to press on through it just as well. Pressing on isn't for "if" but for "when." 

Better Is One Day - Psalm 84:10

For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. 

Psalm 84:10 (ESV)

The past couple of weeks have been very difficult for me. I have missed home more than I ever have. We have had a lot of down time with it being the holiday season which has lead to a lot of time to sit around and think. While this time could be used constructively and fruitfully by praying, reading my bible, listening to sermons, etc, it has been very easy to get caught up in thinking about home and my future outside of the Potter's Field program instead. Every day it gets a little hotter here and a little more difficult to bear. Between my mental, physical, and spiritual state, I feel like I am in a desert.
Through this season that I'm in right now, God has given me a verse to hold onto: "For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness." This reminds me that I could have stayed home and went to grad school or got a job instead of coming to IGNITE, but that wouldn't have been following God's will for my life. I wouldn't have met the amazing people I have come to know and I wouldn't  have had to opportunity to grow my relationship with Jesus in ways I never knew were possible. Each day I am here, no matter what I think I am missing back home, my life belongs to the Lord and he wants me here. In that, is a daily replenishment of joy, peace, and contentment that can't be found anywhere else.
If you are going through a hard time, if you are in a place you never thought you would find yourself, if you feel like you have no control of the next thing that will happen in your life, remember that a day in the courts of Lord is better than anything you could dream of yourself. Things may seem hopeless, pointless, and maybe even ridiculous, but PRESS ON because you don't know how God might be using your circumstances to protect you, teach you, guide you, and grow you. For wouldn't we rather be doorkeepers in the house of God than dwell in the tents of wickedness?

I'm Naked & Exposed - Genesis 3:9-11

But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 

Genesis 3:9-11 (ESV)

As some of you may have noticed, I post a blog weekly about what I am learning on my journey here. Blogging is a part of our homework in the Potter's Field program. We are expected to journal on a bible verse that has spoken to us in our daily devotions or through something that really impacted us in our time here. Generally, I really enjoy blogging. I like to reflect on what God has been doing in my life throughout my time here and share it with those who want to read it. It's always my prayer that what I am going through and what God is showing me can encourage others around me.
But this morning was different. This morning I felt naked and exposed from all of my past blog posts. I felt like I have shared a lot of difficult and personal things lately. I was troubled with thoughts of what people who are reading my blogs think. Are they theologically sound? Do they sound self-righteous? Does my writing make sense? Do people think I'm crazy? I have been staring at a blank screen for an hour with no idea what to write about. Honestly, I didn't even want to go to God in prayer about it because I felt so defeated. I wanted to skip this week. The enemy had me cornered and I was listening to every word he was saying.
Thankfully, I have a loving Father that came to my rescue even though I didn't ask for it. He reminded me of the Fall in the Garden when Adam and Eve realized they were naked for the first time. After reading and meditating on this verse, I understood why he brought this to my mind. . . I am a sinner and I am naked and exposed just like Adam and Eve were. When I write these blogs my sin is out there for everyone to see. You can see my pride, my selfishness, my insecurities, etc. BUT DESPITE THIS, GOD STILL COMES LOOKING FOR ME. He knows I am in a huddled mess at my breakfast table embarrassed and exposed by my sin but he still comes and tells me:

We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God freely and graciously declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. 

Romans 3:22-24 (NLT)

Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. Romans 8:33-34 (NLT)

I'm a sinner. You can see that without reading my blogs. Sometimes it is hard and embarrassing to admit. Sometimes it's difficult to be frank and honest about it. Sometimes I want to hide just like Adam and Eve did. But God calls us to share our sins with others so they can pray for us so I will keep writing. My sin is repulsive to God BUT he sent his only son, Jesus Christ to cover it and make me white as snow. He hides his face from my sins, and blots out all my iniquities (Psalm 51:9). I'm writing this morning to remind myself of this. . .and you too if you need it. 

A Lesson of Grace - Titus 3:3

"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another."

 Titus 3:3 (ESV)

For years I have been known as the girl who likes to have things "a certain way." I want things to be cleaned a certain way, I want people to act a certain way, I want my whole life to be certain way. If something doesn't fit into this "box" I have created, it gets thrown out or my opinion is loudly communicated through words or actions. Not surprisingly, this has ultimately caused barriers to be formed between myself and other people. The biggest of all the barriers created being between me and my dear sister. For years my family has brought this behavior to my attention and cautioned me against the damage it was doing to the relationships in my life. Despite the warnings, I always chalked it up to being my personality and if people didn't agree with me then they were just wrong. Whenever my dad confronted me on this matter he always explained that I had a judgmental attitude. This never sat well with me. In my mind, people who are judgmental are rude, they share their opinion too much, they think everyone is wrong, and they are usually hypocritical. This was definitely not me. . .or so I thought.
About a month ago I began a study on the Book of Titus and never expected what God was about to do. As I read through chapter three I was awakened - finally - to how biblically wrong it is to have the attitude I do about the people around me. I realized just how much my "box" ruins the testimony I have to what Jesus Christ has done in my life. But God didn't stop there. For the rest of the coming weeks I became very sensitive to the comments and thoughts I had about the people around me. I became very sensitive about the comments others made about people around them. He showed me how very ugly these thoughts and comments are and how ugly they made me.

He showed me that when I go back behind my coworker and reclean what she just cleaned, I am telling her through my actions that what she did wasn't good enough. And I am.

He showed me that when I make a judgmental comment about the way someone parents their children, I'm thinking they aren't good enough. And I am.

He showed me that when I try and take over a group project at school or work because "I can do it better," I'm thinking and showing that they aren't good enough. And I am.

He showed me that when I roll my eyes at the lady at the gym with skimpy clothes on that she isn't good enough. And I am.

He showed me that when I scoff at something my sister decides to do, I'm telling her that she's not good enough. And I am. . .

The terrible part about all this is that I used to think having these thoughts made me a good person because it showed I knew better: I knew how to clean things better. I knew how to parent better. I knew how to do projects the right way. I knew how to dress modestly. I knew how to make correct decisions.
But how wrong I was. What it actually showed was that I didn't understand grace. I didn't understand that when people look at my life, they are sure to find things that they could do better than me. God freely gives grace to the believer who might not clean something as thoroughly as I do just like he gives it to me, the believer who chose to judge that person. It's not my job to withhold grace from the people around me, for:

I myself was once foolish, disobedient, led astray, a slave to various passions and pleasures, passing my days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating others

and I am now saved by something I could never alone do. 

Lord, thank you for this lesson. Thank you for showing me how truly awful and ugly it is to withhold grace from others and to judge what I think are mistakes or sins. Please forgive me for acting this way and please let others who I have treated this way forgive me. . .especially my sister. Please help me to show love to all people so that those who do not know you can be saved from foolishness, disobedience, envy, hate, and so on. Thank you for the grace that saved me. Amen. 

Our God is Greater - Deuteronomy 20:1

“When you go out to war against your enemies, and see horses and chariots and an army larger than your own, you shall not be afraid of them, for the Lord your God is with you, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt."

Deuteronomy 20:1 (ESV)

"Our God is greater." I have said it, I have sang it, I have prayed it, but I have never understood it like I have in the past two weeks. The last month and a half has been really difficult for me. I have been challenged in ways I never anticipated and experienced things training could never prepare me for. I felt like there was a huge army before me just like the one Moses described to the Israelites. Each armored man was a different struggle, problem, or difficulty. They were charging toward me and coming fast. I knew something had to change or I wasn't going to make it.
Two Wednesday's ago durning midweek service God reached down His mighty hand to save me from myself. He showed me that many of my struggles lately have been the result of allowing my mind wander. Seemingly harmless memories, hopes, or thoughts easily snowball into fit of bitterness, sadness, or discouragement. I suddenly knew that the only way to stop this kind of downward spiral was to take my thoughts captive and remind myself that my God is greater.

He's greater than the silly little things and the real life scary things.
He's greater on the good days and on the bad days.
He's greater when I get my way and when I don't.
He's greater where I am and where you are.
Our God is greater.  

This week I challenge you, when you feel like. . .

you can't.
it's too hard.
it's not fair.
it's too much.
it doesn't make sense.

Remember . . . OUR GOD IS GREATER! Feel the peace and freedom in that.

A Fragrant Offering - Philippians 4:18

I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God. 

Philippians 4:18 (ESV)

I remember back when I was finishing up my final year of college and preparing to start IGNITE. I'd drive through the streets of Pocatello, windows down, and K LOVE blaring over the radio. Certain songs would come on that would pump me up so much! I just couldn't wait to start the program so I could "really" go serve God. Back then, I felt like going out into the field was the ultimate Christian experience. I knew it was what God was calling me to do and I just wanted to get to it. Now that I have been through training and have completed about a month of my field time God has taught me three things about this "Christian experience" I was so eager to have.
First, 90% of the time life as a missionary is not the pretty picture I had in my head of me wearing my Potter's Field Ministries t-shirt with kids swarming around me with laughter and smiles. Actually, 90% of the time I'm asking God to show me what supposed to be learning in the present difficult moment. These moments come in all forms: mental, physical, spiritual, emotional. Some days it takes all I have not to ask Him where the escape hatch is.
That being said, the second thing I have learned is that prayer as a missionary and for missionaries is vital. If it weren't for prayer, it would be so easy for me to be consumed and defeated by the hard stuff. I'm learning a lot from Psalms and how David cried out to God with his struggles: "I rise before dawn and cry for help; I hope in your words. My eyes are awake before the watches of the night, that I may mediate on your promise (Psalm 119:147,148). Rising before dawn or taking an hour to pray during the night are things that I have never done before but here, they are a must. Also as I said, your prayers are vital. Many of you tell me that you pray for me and I cannot thank you enough for that. Paul tells us that we need to, "stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere" (Ephesians 6:18). So please keep praying. Please pray for my teammates. Please pray for Troy. Please pray for all missionaries all over the world. We need it and we appreciate it!
Finally, the last thing I have learned is that I want my time here to be a "fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God." Yes, there are hard times. But I am so grateful for them because the moment they happen, am humbled with the opportunity to lift my hands to the Lord presenting it as an offering to Him. Have my Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, God. Have this desire for a husband, Lord. Have my future, Jesus. I know in his time he will work all these things out for good. But for now, I have the blessing of dedicating 10 months to God and my prayer is that I carry it out in a way that is pleasing and acceptable to him.  

Breakdown 101 - Genesis 3:3-5

 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 

Genesis 3:3-5 (ESV)

This morning we woke up to a new surprise: termites. We found them eating away at the cabinet we keep our food in. They even decided to divulge in the cookie mixes I brought from home to make around Christmastime. Normally, this is a type of situation that I could handle and find a solution to without too much drama. But...this morning my flesh reared it's ugly head and the enemy was quick to find a foothold amongst my breakdown. My mind began spinning with lies about how my presence here is pointless, I'd be better off at home, and that I should have never agreed to come into this program. Seriously? Just one little problem was able to dismantle my whole morning?
Luckily, my amazing teammate was able to sense my turmoil and pull me on my knees in prayer before I totally lost it but the whole situation really taught me something. Much like what happened to Adam and Eve in Genesis 3, when I let sin enter, I am easily tempted to beleive that God's plan is not what's best for me. I begin to almost revel in the lies that Satan feeds me instead of going straight to prayer or the promises of the Word.
Through mornings like today, I'm learning that going to God is necessary to do even if I'm frustrated with him or I don't understand what he is doing. Adam and Eve could have paused and asked God about the tree but instead they were quickly tempeted by the serpant. He wants me to come to him when I don't understand. He doesn't mind if I'm crying and upset. I don't have to be perfect before him and I couldn't be more grateful for that.

Spiritual Gas Tank

When I first started driving my dad would never fail to remind me of a few things before I would leave to go somewhere. Always look behind your car before you back out, check your blind spots, always drive defensively, etc. Most of these things I don't hear anymore, but one thing has stayed: "never let your car get below half a tank of gas." At twenty two years of age I still get a "talking to" if he gets in my car and I'm running low. What I didn't know was one day I would be able to apply this simple life lesson from my dad to my spiritual life. 

While in Training in Guatemala, we spent hours and hours everyday in the Word, praying, and discussing the work of Jesus in our lives. It was routine. It was simple. Everything we did and everywhere we went revolved around growing us spiritually. I learned the power of prayer, the sovereignty of God, and the undeniable truth that Jesus must be the center of my life. When I left to go home for a week I was on a spiritual high and ready to take on the world!  

I'm now three weeks into Field Time and things are tough. Over the past few days I have found myself irritable, frustrated, annoyed, upset, angry, and a myriad of other unpleasant emotions. I have a bad attitude and I have no patience for those around me. If you read my last post, I am in no way adorning the Gospel. This morning I happened to wake up at 5:30 (God's doing I'm sure) so I had extra time to pray. What he showed me was profound and a turning point for me here.

God showed me my "spiritual gas tank" is running low. In Training, I had pastors coming from all over the world to sit down and teach me the Word of God for a week. I didn't have to put forth too much personal effort into feeding myself. I was like a teenager with a driving permit whose parents filled up the tank for them, but now I have my license and it's my turn to pump my own gas. Running on fumes is not an option. That is not how God made me to work. I need to fill myself on a daily basis with his truths and promises so he can use me for his kingdom. He can't do that if I am empty on the side of the road upset, angry, and impatient. 

Adorning the Gospel - Titus 2:10

"....but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior."

Titus 2:10 (ESV)

This week I was posed a very difficult question. One I doubt many of us really want to think about or ask ourselves. One I know I didn't want to ask myself. 

"If someone was to evaluate your life, what would they see? Would it be love? Would it be joy?" 

Would it be love? Would it be joy? What about peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22,23)? If someone looked at me, would they really see the fruit of the Spirit, or would they see the yucky works of the flesh? I'm sure I don't need to tell you twice if you have spent any time around me that I don't always display the fruit of the Spirit. And I wouldn't say that the first word a person would use to describe me would be love or joy. I can show Christ's love and I can have the joy of the Lord, but most of the time I allow other things to dirty the vessel God is trying to use. 
This week when I came across Titus 2:10, I was reminded of the importance of my place in bringing the Gospel to all nations. I am supposed to "adorn" the Gospel. Or in other words, I am supposed to live my life in a way that makes the most beautiful thing that has ever existed shine even more beautifully to those around me. That is not something to be taken lightly! How can I do this if I don't show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? How can I do this if when people look at me the works of the flesh cloud the work God has done in my life? 
This solution is simple. I am a work in progress and I always will be, but the only way that I can continue to grow in my walk with Christ is to be in communion with him always. I need to be in the Word. I need to be reminded of the fruit of the Spirit. I need to confess when I have fallen short. I need to pray without ceasing. I need to know him more so I know how to be more like him. The more I am in communion with the Maker of the doctrine, the more easily he can shape me to adorn it. 

Leaving Home - Mark 10:28-30

Peter began to say to him, “See, we have left everything and followed you.” Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. 

Mark 10:28-30 (ESV)

My first day here in Costa Rica I came across this verse during my morning devotion. How appropriate it was considering I had just left my family (again) to venture to a foreign country that wasn't of my choosing. Upon arriving, to be completely honest, I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to handle the heat, humidity, and insane amount of bugs. Luckily, I had something with me that couldn't be packed in a suitcase: the full knowledge that where Jesus guides he provides. Somehow, someway, he would show me in these six months how to love this place and even more importantly, why he wants me here. Just like he did in Guatemala. 
I know in the coming months there will be days that are difficult. There will be moments that I want to pack my suitcase and get on the next available flight. There will be mornings that I can't get my shirt on right because my back is so sticky with sweat and I'll just want to scream. I know all this is promised, but I also know because of verses like Mark 10:28-30, that Jesus has me here so I can bless others and he in turn, will bless me as well.
And oh, are there blessings! Although I have left my friends and family behind, he has made sure that I am surrounded by people who love me here. The kids are absolutely amazing. I have never seen a more perfect example of Christ's love than the love these kids have shown for Whitney and me from the moment we arrived. It's unconditional, without reason, and crosses the barriers of language. It brings tears to my eyes just writing of this kind of love. Blessings like these are a constant reminder that Jesus doesn't take us from what is comfortable to make us miserable, he takes us from what is comfortable so we can experience new kinds of blessings that cannot be found within the walls of our own desires. 

IGNITE Training Experience

            In January of 2013 I found myself brokenhearted, depressed, and empty. I was searching for something, anything, that would get me out of the hole I found myself in. Fortunately, in the depths of my heart I knew what the answer to my problem was. I had grown up Catholic and began attending a non-denominational church in 2007, so I had the knowledge in my head of Jesus. I knew it was time to let that knowledge travel the fifteen inches from my head to my heart and begin to follow him. So in March of 2013, I picked up my cross and began following Jesus Christ with all I had.
That following July I was offered the opportunity to be a counselor at my church's high school youth camp in Whitefish, Montana, at Potter's Field Ranch. There I met Jordan and Meg, two staff member's of Potter's Field and recent IGNITE interns. They both told me about their experience in the program and encouraged me to pray about applying. Before I even left Montana that week, I knew God wanted me to come here. I was very excited to put hands and feet to my new life I was living. I finished college and prepared to be apart of IGNITE Class 7.
I'm now here in Guatemala, fifteen months later, finishing up my last week in the training phase of the IGNITE program. I have had the opportunity to work with children in the Potter's Field Kid's Club on a weekly basis, participate in several community outreaches, visit patients at a local hospital, and help with various events held on the property. In the classroom I have learned the Inductive Bible Study method, studied the Book of Acts, read many books by authors like Warren Wiersbe and Roy Hession, and studied the lives of various missionaries, just to name a few things. I also was exposed to many hands on types of ministry like miming, puppetry, and skits. All of these different experiences gave me the opportunity to grow and trust in the Lord in ways I never had before.
When I first arrived here in Guatemala, one of my fellow classmates asked me, "What do you expect to get out of this program." All I could answer was that I knew God was going to blow me away. I didn't know what He had in store for me here but I knew it would me more than I could imagine. Sitting here reflecting on my experience, He did just what I expected. I was stretched more than I had ever been stretched. I learned more about Him than I had ever learned. I prayed more than I had ever prayed. I was exhorted more than I had ever been exhorted.
He used all of this to teach me two very important lessons. First, He is sovereign over everything. He has control over every single intimate detail of what goes on in the world and in this, He always has our best interests in mind. I can let go of all the anxieties caused by my fleshly desire to control my life. His way is always the best way. Second, I learned I must die to self on a consistent moment to moment basis. Nothing in me is good so I must find myself broken before Him every morning I awake. This brokenness is one of the most beautiful states we can be in because we can then be filled with the Holy Spirit. When we are filled we are ready to go and do His work. These two profound lessons have radically changed my relationship with Jesus. With the understanding of His sovereignty and my brokenness, I'm prepared to go out onto the field and serve the Costa Rican people. Even more importantly, no matter where He sends me, I know who He is and who I am in Him.  

1 Corinthians 9:25

Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 

1 Corinthians 9:25 (ESV)

In this verse Paul continues the metaphor of the athlete. Here, he is likening self-control of an athlete to the determination of a follower of Christ to make disciples. When we are at the end of our lives, those we helped lead to Christ will be the imperishable prize. They will be in heaven with us for eternity. Anything else we choose to focus on in this life will be just like the wreaths athletes gain, quick to perish.
With my eyes set on eternity, it becomes a lot easier to handle the difficult things of this world. For me, making disciples can be a very uncomfortable process. Many already have their walls up when the name "Jesus" is mentioned or they are clinging to their own religious traditions so tightly they can't see God's grace. One of the classes in training is called Speaking the Word. We were all given different made-up circumstances in which we had 1 to 3 minutes to convey the Gospel message to the classmate next to us. I had to pretend to share with a women as I was waiting for the light to change at a crosswalk. While the situation wasn't real, it was still very difficult! I'm so grateful that when these kinds of opportunities really do arise, I have the promise of that person's salvation to encourage me through the hard times. This imperishable wreath at the end of everything makes it all worth it.

1 Corinthians 9:24

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. 

1 Corinthians 9:24 (ESV)

Paul frequently uses metaphors involving athletic competitions throughout his epistles. I like this technique because it paints you a visual picture of what he is trying to convey. For example, in this particular verse, I see eight runners positioned to run the race. The gun goes off and they all begin running. As they complete each lap, some of the runners lose their footing and slow down a bit, others get distracted by the person next to them passing them up, a few maintain their focus on the finish line. Even amongst the few, only one will ultimately win the race. They will receive the gold metal at the end.
I believe that Paul painted this picture to compare to our walk as Christians on our way to Heaven. Many of us will sign up for the race. With good intentions we will read our bibles, participate in bible studies, and go to church. Unfortunately, when life gets tough and trips us up, some will get distracted by worldly things and fall behind. Others will let people around them distract them from the finish line. Only very few will take what Jesus did seriously enough to make it to Heaven, to win the race.
We have to run the race like we mean it. Everyday, every step we take needs to be purposeful and intentional. Every step needs to be in the direction Jesus is beckoning. There will be distractions, trip ups, people who push and shove us along the way, but we have the promise of the prize at the end, regardless of what we have to go through to get there. Not only that, but Jesus will always  be running right beside us.

1 Corinthians 9:22-23

To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings. 

1 Corinthians 9:22-23 (ESV)

As I was preparing to come to Guatemala, I went through a bible study that we were encouraged to do prior to arriving to training. The study was broken up into topics, one of them being flexibility. Under this topic was 1 Corinthians 9:19-23. Out of the whole bible study this was one of the biggest things that hit me. I had never heard this verse before and It was so comforting to read. I felt like it was a mini guidebook written to teach us how to minister to people who we didn't have a lot in common with. As I was about to venture to Central America, I thought this was very fitting for me.
Showing up here, I didn't know a lot about the culture. It was intimidating the first few times we went into town or even when I conversed with the local people at church on Sunday. The last thing I wanted was to stick out like a tourist and not be taken seriously. I wanted to love on these people and share the gospel message with them. I didn't want who I was outwardly to affect how they saw me inwardly. This is a struggle I'm still learning to adjust to.
The biggest thing God has taught me through entering a new culture is that I just need to be made willing to be used by him. There are barriers that are inevitable, there are ways to approach different situations, and ultimately, there is a lot to learn about sharing the gospel in a different area of the world. But, God's grace follows me everywhere. As long as I allow him to use me, the Holy Spirit is there to guide me through it, give me the words, and to give me the strength.

Philippians 3:12-13

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead 

Philippians 3:12-13 (ESV)

I have a problem with being a perfectionist. Give me a job, any job, and I will not quit until it is done to the best of my ability. Just yesterday, we had servant time as a class, and I was assigned to clean out the outside tent with a leaf blower. It had been rainy and windy all week so it was filled with leaves and dirt and anything else that had been blowing around. I spent almost an entire hour working to make the floor spotless. I felt the need to get every particle of dirt, leaf, dead bug, etc, out of the tent. When I was finished, I looked at the ground. It was far from spotless but I had to make myself stop.  
What I love about this verse is that even, Paul, one of the most godly men that has ever lived, admitted that he can't even obtain perfection. Everyday he has to press on, knowing that the price Jesus paid covered all of His sins, and all he can do is strive everyday to be more like him. In coming to Christ, is still have a tendency to perfectionism, but I have the understanding that I will always fall short. This makes God's grace even more of a blessing. He has given me the responsibility to do my best, rely on him, and press on, just like Paul says. The rest he will take care of. What a great love that is.

Philippians 3:11

that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. 

Philippians 3:11 (ESV)

This is a tough verse to interpret. What I think Paul is implying is that we know what we need in order to attain resurrection from the dead. Like we have been talking about all week, we need Jesus. Jesus is the only way to obtain eternity in Heaven with him. We have to die to ourselves and live for him in order to have eternal life. Simply put, "if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 16: 24,25).
This is a lesson I have been learning a lot over the past two weeks. Like I said in my entry on Philippians 3:8, I have been working on letting go of control in all areas of my life. Along with this comes what Jesus is saying in Matthew 16. I have to lose my life to Jesus every morning. I have to wake up and I have to intentionally let go of the things my flesh are telling me I need, want, and most importantly, deserve. A part of being a Christian is laying down the warm and fuzzy beliefs that "good" people get to go to heaven and that Jesus just wants me to be happy. I deserve Hell. I was born a sinner. I am not a good enough person on my own to deserve anything, let alone Heaven. All the things in my life are by the grace of my Lord, Jesus Christ. He is, "the way, the truth, and the life." No one can can come to the Father except through him (John 14:6).

Philippians 3:10

that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death

Philippians 3:10 (ESV)

Share in Jesus' sufferings. That is a pretty powerful statement considering what Jesus went through while here on earth. Even excluding the torture in His death, there was nothing easy about his life. Many of the things he went through just on a day to day basis we would call suffering, even if he wouldn't call them that. For example, Jesus didn't have a home. Nothing was consistent. He was never alone. He was always serving others. A regular worldly person put under these conditions would not only complain, but probably count it as suffering.
Paul makes a lot of bold statements in his epistles and to me this is one of them. It's hard for me to swallow that I should want to suffer like Christ did. Some of his sufferings I will endure simply because I am human. They are unavoidable sufferings. But dying to myself every day? Putting myself in situations that I know will cause hardship to serve others? Even preparing to spend six months in Costa Rica in the heat, with bugs the size of my face, away from family seems like a sacrifice. I want to be like Paul and welcome any suffering Jesus endured, but I'm not there yet. This verse is a great challenge to me as I do enter my field time and have these uncomfortable things before me. I am thankful for God's grace that I know will cover me through anything. I'm thankful for his patience with me. I'm thankful that he gives me his Word to help me grow in this area.

Philippians 3:8

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 

Philippians 3:8 (ESV)

Philippians 3:8. A verse that never fails to convict me. Especially since coming here to Guatemala. Boarding a plane to a foreign country with only a suitcase and a carry on, it sure felt like I was "losing" a lot. I was losing a comfortable bed that didn't hurt my back. Christmas with my family. Months of time that could be used furthering my education or earning a salary. It was intimidating even though I knew it was what God wanted for me. Once I was here, I forgot about the more trivial things, but I feel like I am suffering a different kind of loss now. A loss of control. This is even more painful and scary than what I thought I was losing before.
This is a peculiar loss that I am still learning from. It came with the realization that God is sovereign over everything. Everything. I can't prevent my family from getting in an accident back home. I can't force my friends not to forget about me. And I can't make a man love me forever. All of these things are in God's hands. And this week, I finally came to the realization that this is exactly where I want them. Over the past nine weeks, I have been wearing myself out trying to keep these kind of things in my control. Thankfully, God brought me to a sweetly broken place that made me realize they never were. My hands have been snatching and coming up with nothing my whole life. Nothing that has ever happened to me, nothing I ever achieved, and nothing that ever broke my heart, failed to pass God's desk before it happened.
I am so incredibly thankful that God brought me gently to my knees this week concerning  this area of my life. I feel like I can now let go of so many burdens, anxieties, and fears that have been chaining me down, not only here, but my whole life. I know I will now be able to enter into my field time with God's strength instead of relying only on my own. Thank you Jesus for this sweetly broken, holy surrender.

Psalm 133:1-3

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! It is like the precious oil on the head, running down on the beard, on the beard of Aaron, running down on the collar of his robes! It is like the dew of Hermon, which falls on the mountains of Zion! For there the Lord has commanded the blessing, life forevermore. 

Psalm 133:1-3 (ESV)

Growing up, I lived in a house with my mom and dad and little sister. When I moved into the dorms when I went to college I lived with three other girls. When I moved into my own rented home, I lived with one other girl. The only time I ever shared a room was when my sister and I decided we wanted to bunk our beds. Coming here to IGNITE I knew I would be sharing a room with at least two other girls. It intimidated me a little bit because I just wasn't sure what it would be like. What if people want to go to bed really early and I want to read? What if I want to go to bed early and they keep me up? What if I can't sleep and I just have to lay there in silence so I don't wake anyone up? It all sounded really complicated but I trusted God would get me through it.
Once I arrived I realized that our living situation wouldn't be as hard as I previously thought. Sure, those issues I wondered about are still there but I figured out one thing that really helped me though: I just had to stop thinking about myself and start thinking about my roommates. If I wanted to stay up later, I would find somewhere else to read, or compromise and just go to bed. If I wanted to go to bed earlier, I would just try to sleep while they were up. If I can't sleep in the night, I would just use the time to lay in bed and pray. There is always a solution as long as I don't make everything about myself. Not only does this attitude work in our bedrooms, it works everywhere. This is the manner in which we can achieve God's desire to "dwell together in unity."

Acts 2:46,47

And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. 

Acts 2:46-47 (ESV)

When I read these two verses, I picture what an ideal day would look like for Christians. They go to church, they share meals, they praise God, and they get along with one another. It seems pretty simple, but we tend to make life a lot more complicated than that. My time here at IGNITE has shown me all the areas in my life that I tend to overcomplicate. While I am here, although we are busy, we tend to keep our days centered around these four things. While I find myself worn out and exhausted sometimes, I'm able to be refreshed much easier. My tired and grumpy mood is quickly turned around by a impromptu worship song, prayer, or an uplifting conversation with a classmate.
Obviously our days typically involve many responsibilities and chores that need to be done. Here, for example, we have class, homework, outreaches, kitchen patrol, chores, bible study, etc. But even though we are busy with these things, we still pray throughout the day, have chapel on Thursday nights, eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, and spend time in fellowship, getting to know each other better. I believe that because we are faithful in these four areas here at IGNITE, God blesses us with this refreshment we so often need. This is a lesson I will take with me out into the mission field, as well as for the rest of my life.