But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.
Acts 20:24 (ESV)
I wear a bracelet around my wrist given to me by the leadership of IGNITE that reads, "Press On - Acts 20:24." It's supposed to be a reminder of what our purpose is when we are out in the field and things get tough. I'm grateful to wear this reminder around my wrist.
But these bracelets mean more to me than even that.
My bracelet symbolizes to me that the IGNITE leadership knows it's not "if" the field gets tough, but "when." Each location has it's own set of pros and cons and each location has it's own set of challenges. Yes, we may have beautiful sandy beaches, pools, and surfing, but it's not all fun and games here in Costa Rica.
One particular challenge we have is a two month break from Kids Club during January and February. The kids are out of school for their "summer" break so we do not provide an after school program because many of them are out of town visiting family. This leaves us interns with two options. One, sit around and wait for February to come, or, make the best of the time that God has given us here.
I'm repentant at the fact that I have not made the best of my time over the past four weeks. I have become inwardly focused, full of anxiety, and depressed. I have grown comfortable laying in my bed and staring at the ceiling and wondering why God brought me here. I have all but given up on learning Spanish. I stare at a countdown on my phone hoping that the days will somehow go faster.
But folks, God gave me GRACE. Very undeserved GRACE. Not that I ever deserve it.
In the mist of my horrible selfish attitude, God woke me up in the kindest way possible. This Tuesday, a new overseer came to lead the Costa Rica interns, Cassandra Tartter. She just finished serving as an intern herself right before Whitney and I got here. Yesterday, she shared with us many of the struggles she faced, how she overcame them, what she learned, and how God impacted the program through her during her six months here.
Her story reminded me that the bracelet I wear has a very important message behind it.
This trip is not about me.
I'm here to share the Gospel and Christ's love.
I'm supposed to finish the course.
I wish I wouldn't have strayed from my purpose here over those four weeks but I'm grateful for the lessons I was able to learn and relearn. First, being inwardly focused always detracts from what God is doing and it robs me of my joy in him. As easy as it is to be negative, pessimistic, and feel bad for myself, it's only provides a quick high. Second, it's not wrong to seek godly advice from those who have gone through similar situations. God can use these people in your life and there are plenty of past Potter's Field interns who know what it is like to be in Costa Rica. Finally, even though I felt like there were four weeks of pointlessness, it was my job to press on through it just as well. Pressing on isn't for "if" but for "when."
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