"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another."
Titus 3:3 (ESV)
For years I have been known as the girl who likes to have things "a certain way." I want things to be cleaned a certain way, I want people to act a certain way, I want my whole life to be certain way. If something doesn't fit into this "box" I have created, it gets thrown out or my opinion is loudly communicated through words or actions. Not surprisingly, this has ultimately caused barriers to be formed between myself and other people. The biggest of all the barriers created being between me and my dear sister. For years my family has brought this behavior to my attention and cautioned me against the damage it was doing to the relationships in my life. Despite the warnings, I always chalked it up to being my personality and if people didn't agree with me then they were just wrong. Whenever my dad confronted me on this matter he always explained that I had a judgmental attitude. This never sat well with me. In my mind, people who are judgmental are rude, they share their opinion too much, they think everyone is wrong, and they are usually hypocritical. This was definitely not me. . .or so I thought.
About a month ago I began a study on the Book of Titus and never expected what God was about to do. As I read through chapter three I was awakened - finally - to how biblically wrong it is to have the attitude I do about the people around me. I realized just how much my "box" ruins the testimony I have to what Jesus Christ has done in my life. But God didn't stop there. For the rest of the coming weeks I became very sensitive to the comments and thoughts I had about the people around me. I became very sensitive about the comments others made about people around them. He showed me how very ugly these thoughts and comments are and how ugly they made me.
He showed me that when I go back behind my coworker and reclean what she just cleaned, I am telling her through my actions that what she did wasn't good enough. And I am.
He showed me that when I make a judgmental comment about the way someone parents their children, I'm thinking they aren't good enough. And I am.
He showed me that when I try and take over a group project at school or work because "I can do it better," I'm thinking and showing that they aren't good enough. And I am.
He showed me that when I roll my eyes at the lady at the gym with skimpy clothes on that she isn't good enough. And I am.
He showed me that when I scoff at something my sister decides to do, I'm telling her that she's not good enough. And I am. . .
The terrible part about all this is that I used to think having these thoughts made me a good person because it showed I knew better: I knew how to clean things better. I knew how to parent better. I knew how to do projects the right way. I knew how to dress modestly. I knew how to make correct decisions.
But how wrong I was. What it actually showed was that I didn't understand grace. I didn't understand that when people look at my life, they are sure to find things that they could do better than me. God freely gives grace to the believer who might not clean something as thoroughly as I do just like he gives it to me, the believer who chose to judge that person. It's not my job to withhold grace from the people around me, for:
I myself was once foolish, disobedient, led astray, a slave to various passions and pleasures, passing my days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating others
and I am now saved by something I could never alone do.
Lord, thank you for this lesson. Thank you for showing me how truly awful and ugly it is to withhold grace from others and to judge what I think are mistakes or sins. Please forgive me for acting this way and please let others who I have treated this way forgive me. . .especially my sister. Please help me to show love to all people so that those who do not know you can be saved from foolishness, disobedience, envy, hate, and so on. Thank you for the grace that saved me. Amen.
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